Humans generally do not give their cars haircuts by slamming them under a stopped cargo truck. They do not generally smash straight into stationary emergency vehicles.
We can’t handwave basic safety issues away by saying “in aggregate, they perform better than humans in most conditions.” The basic safety issues get people killed. Leaning on some “average driver” fallacy is a way to ignore issues core to the tech stack.
This is why we put the BRT (big red truck) behind the rescue scene and park it at a 45 degree angle. It weighs 15x as much as a car so it won't move much when a car hits it, and we want the car to bounce off sideways and away from the rescuers (us) when it happens.
we're used to it and we're happy about it and we use it to make decisions (buy house now, move to a new city ...).
Plus in those rare cases that you mentioned at least the same system will be feedback the incident to make sure that this won't happen again in the future... so in a morbid way there is a way to learn from such fatal incidents ... you can't really say that about such incident if the driver was a human.
Self driving cars will make fatal mistakes but I have no doubt that tesla very soon will be able to be safer than the average driver.
Plus the more autonomous vehicles on the road the more safer it is.
Finally currently traffic accidents are the leading cause of death for 30yo so we aren’t exactly replacing a perfect system