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You should talk to someone, they might be able to help you to look at your life from another perspective
Agree. OP needs counselling ASAP. This is not his first comment like this.
First, call whatever free service exists in your country (hopefully) or even one friend (try to pick only one). Just pick someone and tell them you need their help. Then make and keep an appointment with a professional.
Re:A spy who helped to end apartheid
by perihelions on Sunday September 05, 2021 @12:37AM
(#28421671)
Based off their post history, the free 24/7 service is this one,
"In Canada, please call 1.833.456.4566 (24/7) or send a text to 45645 (4pm to midnight ET)."