That all requires me to setup my own infrastructure (such as a database) which I'd like to avoid. Otherwise yeah, the list isn't bad!

I can't speak to the others in the list, but I'm building Nodewood, and I have heard this worry from other people as well! Consequently, one of the features I'm working on is a deploy process that can target different cloud providers and set up VMs, managed databases, etc for you.

I feel your pain personally, as well, so I built and already have an Ansible script I use to deploy Nodewood.com, but it turns out that Ansible doesn't play well on Windows, so while I'm happy to make it available to customers, I can't really justify making it the default deploy method.