You could create a group with only the both of you in your messaging app and set that group to not have notifications, then you keep the direct messages for urgent stuff. You could even have more than one group to keep conversations on separate topics organized.
Email?
IMO, no one should have have email that sends notifications.
When we're on our computers, email notifications come up unless we're in DND (and even then, they show up whenever your email client is visible regardless).
For me, I have to open my email browser window to see new emails. No notifications. (And no client which I would set to 100% DND if I had one.)
DND should be default and there should be custom sounds for different contacts. Ofc its not our computer anymore, you are not in control. Still, its weird that our digital overlords didn't implement this. Is it copyrights? Are ringtone purchases such good money? I have no idea.
Fair enough! I don't think email threads are best for daily spousal communication, but perhaps for some people this could work. It sure would be easier to search than Apple Messages!
Damn, PREACH.
If it's urgent, the sender will call.
And, even then, unless I am on-call there should be no expectation that I am always available even during work hours.
I also wish there were a way for me to send a low-priority message to my wife so that it didn't notify her regardless of her notification settings. We send each other news articles throughout the day but don't really want to interrupt each other. It would be great if there were a sender-side option that could enable this.
I've thought about using a shared document in the Notes app, or just use a different messaging app for low-priority stuff, but it seems like too much overhead. Does anyone else have a way of handling this?