Network effects: your kids don’t get to hang out IRL if everyone else’s parents let their kids meet all their social needs from social media.

Don’t get me wrong, I think the world would be a much better place if the big players in social media ceased to exist, but no single person can act as an island, and you need to understand the problem well enough to give your kids alternatives rather than just put your foot down and say “no” — even us adults have trouble staying off whichever social network our friends and family use.

How is it an island if they socialize in the real world? They text their friends from the real world and share memes with each other all day. They don’t need a social media account to do any of that.

Here on this website, we spend an awful lot of time discussing how one person remote working on a team who are in-person can easily lead to being forgotten. This is similar. When somebody is putting an event together and goes through their contact list on FB, you not being there puts you at a small disadvantage. If you're socially awkward in-person, it can really set you back.

It makes me wonder how these socially inept people lived life before Facebook ran their lives for them. Perhaps they cared about things more than following some high school drop out they once knew in a prior life decades before.

Facebook is a misaligned AI whose sole purpose is to put adverts in front of as many eyeball-seconds as possible. It is trying to manipulate us to that end, and with 2.8 billion people to practice on, it’s also very effective; much like junk food, it gives users the sensation of being good even though it isn’t. All of the big networks are trying to do that, with varying degrees of success.

This isn’t about being “socially inept” — if everyone simultaneously agreed to not use social media, we could and would all go back to what we did before[0] — but even knowing the nature of the beast, dismissing its power, its pull, its allure, is a Canute move.

[0] @iamstupidsimple was saying people not on the contact list would be more likely to be forgotten, and that’s true regardless of if the person not on the list is socially awkward or highly charismatic; before Facebook, the list was a piece of paper, but the same applies to that paper list.

There is nothing wrong with forgetting people you don’t care that much about. Expecting software to solve problems you never had before is the very definition of artificial.

Missing the point. Everyone else is using software to solve problems they never had before, and failing to use it makes you the one out.

When your kids’ friends send a request to all their social media contacts list, it takes extra effort for your kids’ friends to realise your kids are one of the few people who aren’t in that list and need to be contacted separately.

Is that fair? No.

Is it nice? No.

Is it fun? No.

Is it malicious? No.

Is it a lack of interest on the part of your kids’ friends? No.

Is it a reason for your kids to secretly make their own accounts without you knowing about it? Yes.

Constantly hearing "oh, I thought I sent everyone an invite [on Facebook]" will hurt a child deeply.

I suspect you may be in for a rude awakening in your relationship with your kids, and probably your kids are doing things behind your back.

Why would you suspect that?

Not GP, but agree with them. In my opinion: because you don't show respect for them. What would your reaction be if someone said that to you and you were powerless to do much about it?

Of course, this is all judging just by the tone of your posts, so it might not be (and I hope it isn't) a true reflection of reality. Kids are smart, they just lack experience. But they still deserve respect from day 1, and if they have it then most of the usual parenting problems never surface.

If I didn’t respect them I would let them do anything they wanted.

> Of course, this is all judging just by the tone of your posts

That is quite the assumption. Perhaps I communicate less delicately than you are accustomed.