It really depends on the level of technical skill you have and/or wish to develop. I have similar objectives to yours. I especially prefer to build my own instead of buying complicated and often overly expensive consumer oriented products.

WS2812 LED strips are the bomb! Easy to stick onto a variety of surfaces and easy to drive with an Arduino. BUT watch the power consumption. I use heavy duty 5V power supplies to drive long chains.

Most commercial products have been hacked. For example, WiFi controlled power points/strips. Don't fiddle with mains power unless you really know what you are doing. It actually is not legal in some locales.

HomeAssistant is neat if you don't want to do it all yourself. I prefer to DIY all the way.

Configure a totally separate WiFi network, totally air-gapped from the internet to control all the devices.

ESP8266 & ESP32 based boards with microPython are super easy to configure. Just remember it's all 3.3V I/O, so use suitable level-shifters or opto-isolation for physical world connections.

There are lots of folks like yourself. I find focused internet searches yield answers to most questions and problems. Most consumer products have been reverse-engineered.