I would like to point out that a child not having access to the internet is not necessarily a 'goddamned dystopia', it's just how the world has been from the time of the first ape that stood up, to the Eternal September of ~1993.

I agree, but keep in mind that children grow up in a society, and make friends in school. You are influencing their relationships by restricting their internet access.

Sure, but the article is talking about government action. If every child in the UK grows up with age restricted internet then no ones relationships will be disadvantaged.

The only thing that would be influenced is cross national relationships, and sitting in a separate country probably affects that way more than having equal access to the same webpages.

Sure, but children now will have to deal with the internet when they become adults. "Protecting" them from it just means they're less likely to be prepared for it when they do become adults.