2. Be forgiving of people who do not mean offense, but are simply inept at the social graces. It's not that hard. You get to choose whether to be offended or not. Choose the not.
BTW, sometimes I listen to celebrities when they deal with hecklers trying to get under their skin. It's fun to watch how they parry the verbal knives. I recall Prince Phillip once being interviewed by "60 Minutes". The reporter really tried to get under his skin. Prince Phillip effortlessly and deftly turned the dagger away each time. He's evidently had a lot of practice :-)
Howard Stern was fun to watch, too. He knew how to get the goat from his interviewees. Except Paul McCartney. McCartney was a master at this game. Watching those two verbally duel was great sport. McCartney got the better of it!
> making excuses for bad behavior
Not at all. I've had to ban people a couple times from the D forums for unprofessional behavior. Not because they made me feel bad, but because I have no interest in running a sewer. We've been fortunate that it's only been a couple, and usually a private word can set things straight.
Isn't that a lot like curing depression by saying "why don't you just stop being depressed?" Different people are wired differently and humans are on the whole really bad at consciously controlling their psychological state.
You even said in the previous post that crying and being sad is OK in some situations (like when a loved one died). Why didn't you choose to control your feelings and not be sad then?
I considered graduate education after I got my BS, but the risk of ending up as some professor's dog wasn't worth it to me.
I suspect you are being misread due to that word choice, but to be honest I am not quite sure.
1. You offer this as an excuse for profound hostility and rudeness from someone in a position of power.
2. Every human has buttons that can be pressed and you are no exception.
3. Bullying behavior by someone who has power over others logically causes fear in the target of the bullying.
4. Bullying works. That's why people do it, even though it's a cheat. You are literally blaming the victim.
"Don't allow other people to control your feelings" as a response to a man with a career of bullying shows a profound and perhaps pathological contempt for the well-being of others.
Nor is it making excuses for bullies any more than locking your door at night is excusing thieves.
I did not say that. Please read more carefully.
What else does this mean?
It means the offendee is responsible for the offendee's reaction.
Very, very different.
We are not talking about whether tears are a sensible and productive response. We are talking about whether it is reasonable to tolerate someone who consistently provokes them. Perhaps both sides need to take some responsibility, but redirecting the conversation like that seems to me to be making excuses for bad behavior.