That makes sense. Regarding your final sentence - I guess I felt that for me it’s been the other way round. I feel that in most HN discussions I had silently been empathetic and not demanded any level of empathy from anyone, and clearly that was not going to work in this instance.
My key has been to engage my empathy for everyone concerned. To read an article and engage my empathy for the author and the pain some know all too well is a necessary step. Yet to assume that all other readers will do the same is perhaps a opportunity to engage in empathy for them and how different their lives might have been.
I find I'm often surprised by the actions and reactions of people I have put minimal effort into empathizing with. Sometimes I find their unexpected warmth welcoming, or their callous coldness a sickening contrast.
Some - like myself - have a learned aversion to anything that tries too hard and too overtly to tug on my heartstrings.
For my own part, when I find myself reacting to someone's tone I sometimes find it valuable to pause and consider why they would adopt it. It can help me separate the other person's tone from the real, valid, lived experience that is my internal emotional reaction.
Empathy cannot just be a thing I demand of others.