What the debate actually is about is whether it is possible to be subject to sexism or racism, whether those can influence outcomes and whether it is valid to talk about those. The problem is that if you state it like that, people will argue whether sexism and racism exist. So, op and the rest of HN go for the next best thing: trying to categorically deny that is is possible to be harmed by actions of others.

Note how there are no complains about harm of victimhood when single guys complain about being single and blame society for it.

The real topic here is that there should not be such a thing as activism. It should be shameful to talk openly talking about disadvantages or -isms. Instead, you should pretend none of that exists, so that everybody feels good about society being fair. It makes you feel safe and in control too. Bad things happen to people who deserve it.