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A comment on On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness. Parent comment

Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by spoonjim on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @04:37PM (#27042593)
The problem is that teaching men to become the kind of men that women want to fuck generates pretty toxic men if there isn’t anything beyond the “fuck.“ I really do believe the old model, where you taught men to be the kind of men that women want to marry, is fundamentally different even though sex and marriage are closely related. A 18-21 year old woman looking for a man to spend the rest of her life with is going to look at a broader set of criteria, and thus incentivize a broader set of achievements by men, than a woman looking to just spend the next hour with a guy. Being the kind of guy who women want to marry, so that you have the broadest choice of women to marry, requires some effort towards the criteria for sexual desirability: muscles, grooming, etc., but also things like having a good reputation in the community, having a good job, being perceived as one who would be a good father, etc.
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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by spoonjim on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @04:56PM (#27042788)
I’m not talking about 18-21 year old women now, I’m talking about those who got married when extramarital sex was taboo. The best place I’ve seen to hear about how they chose their spouse is a radio site called StoryCorps.
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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by nradov on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @06:59PM (#27043916)
People (especially young people) make those decisions based on impulse and emotion, then rationalize after the fact. You can't believe the explanations they give. Most people just say what they think they're supposed to say, or what they think would please the interviewer.
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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by spoonjim on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @09:45PM (#27045173)
One piece of concrete data is that a huge fraction of people in US cities 100 years ago married people who lived in their same block, and a substantial fraction in their same apartment building. That’s evidence of a different approach to mating.
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