On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by theropost on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @03:03PM (#27041514)

It must be confusing to be a boy these days with all the conflicting messaging on how they should or should not be. The expectations of men are conflicting, confusing, uneven, and ever-changing. Equality is thrown around, with many exceptions across the board. Men simply bite their tongues in society, and are expected to do so without much complaint. Men are told to share their feelings, but then ignored or shamed when they try. It's a very confusing time for men/boys - I have a daughter and a son. I feel like my daughter can do anything, and will be fine in the future. I can't same the same for my son these days, I worry the paths he will have to choose.

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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by defterGoose on Wednesday May 05, 2021 @12:07PM (#27051719)

And then in the midst of the #MeToo movement, you have books like Fifty Shades of Grey setting sales records, and you're like, "Hol' up".

I think the answer here is that the expectations being thrown into the ring from all parties are unrealistic and self-serving, and the only true bastion of sanity is the one provided by raw biological drives. We as humans can continue attempting to put ourselves above our animal nature, but it does seem that we might be destined to fall on our face.

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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by watwut on Wednesday May 05, 2021 @04:34PM (#27055399)

There is massive difference between fantasy and reality. Afaik, what people watch in porn is not the same thing they want in real life.

People love to read and watch game of thrones. But, in real life, they make torture illegal and demand democracy instead of loyalty to lord. So confusing.

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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by defterGoose on Wednesday May 05, 2021 @04:48PM (#27055607)

This is all highly reductive. Not sure what you're basing your assumption about porn on. If you're not turned on by something in real life why would you seek porn based on it?

There are plenty of people who long for a life of riding around on a horse swinging a sword at things or exploring the outer reaches of space on a futuristic craft. On the contrary; I'd say that the fiction that people select is highly correlated with their escapist desires.

Keep in mind, im not saying that people who enjoy Fifty Shades want to be raped. But there are enough people with rape/domination fantasies that it makes sense to unearth its sales as a proxy for repressed desires. And these desires are antithetical to a culture that calls for more fairness/equality between the sexes, or at least the claim that deeply seated biological urges don't influence a person's thoughts and behaviors directly.

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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by watwut on Thursday May 06, 2021 @02:08AM (#27059710)

> There are plenty of people who long for a life of riding around on a horse swinging a sword at things

Those things are people. And contemporary equivalent of those are soldiers who joined one of guerrillas or some such. People who read those books dont go after those experiences.

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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by addison-lee on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @06:07PM (#27043477)

And there it is, your bias is exactly the problem.

Per https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics 81% of women experience sexual harassment/assault in their lifetimes along with 43% of men.

Please educate yourself and stop spreading the lie that men are not sexually assaulted, it’s incredibly destructive.

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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by standardUser on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @06:31PM (#27043682)

Less than half? Seems like my statement was factual, but that didn't stop you from jumping all over it to make some kind of point.

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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by addison-lee on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @06:49PM (#27043825)

43% of men experience sexual assault/harassment in their lifetime, yet you are sticking by your statement that “Your son will likely never be sexually harassed or assaulted”? A 57% chance of something happening is definitely not likely.

And yes I am clearly making a point: people that gloss over sexual crimes against men are spreading destructive lies not supported by any data. Maybe it went over your head the first time I said it?

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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by kelnos on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @09:03PM (#27044871)

43% of a certain group of people experiencing something does not at all track with "will likely never" experience that something.

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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by dandare on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @06:59PM (#27043918)

Let's ignore that your numbers are wrong, what is your point? That boys/men should be somehow punished by default? Or that women have it harder?

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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by kelnos on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @09:00PM (#27044846)

Please don't attempt to argue things like this. "Group A doesn't have X problem that group B has, so group A's problem Y doesn't matter." That's entirely unrelated and not helpful.

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