>Honest question: at that point why not move closer to work?

Because everyone thinks this first which is why a 1 bedroom in SF is like 5k a month.

Yea, the valley commute felt pretty brutal and incredibly stressful for me when I did it for a year or so. Not sure what it is, but traffic here seems really cut throat and there isnt much courtesy out there (e.g. merges here are hilarious, there is no such thing as a zipper merge here, you get everyone trying to cut ahead and merge at the last second).

Walking a few blocks to the office is an amazing way to start the day without incurring stress.

When I drove a bigger truck, I used to force people into zipper merges. Some of the would-be cheaters got really upset and some people cheered me on. It was a mixed crowd. Not sure I would do that these days. People are on edge and I don't have an armored vehicle.

I could have definitely been one of those cheering you on as I flipped off one of the people you were blocking. The road is similar to the internet in the way it allows some people to dehumanize others.

I lived two hours each way from work. Lived in a van mid week way before it was a popular thing. Used to joke that I was just waiting for the next pandemic then I'd have it made. Not so sure about that now, sometimes I miss the van.

That seems so economical and honestly if you can pull that off with a FAANG salary, you are so set. Sometimes I wish I could do that. If you work at Google, the van would pretty much be for sleeping. Only thing I would worry about is a late night break in.

It was a white cargo van with a steel bulkhead. Difficult to break into where I was sleeping. I wanted my family to grow up rural close to our recreational activities. The work is/was in a Canadian city. I'd typically be at work or at the gym or just in the van sleeping. I still pay mortgage on a house in the sticks but at least I wasn't getting into leases in the city that would be far away from the next opportunity. Someone tested my door once and another time a snow plow pushed a drift into my bumper. That was the extent of it over the years. I'd never camp anywhere residential. Commercial and industrial areas were the best.

> Honest question: at that point why not move closer to work? Or get a job at any number of companies closer to home that are desperate for talent?

Just one person’s view: My Bay Area commute is about 2 to 2.5 hours each way, depending on traffic. I make pretty decent Bay Area money but not even close to enough to live in an equivalent house near work. Not by a long shot. Changing jobs means starting back at the bottom. Re-build relationships, re-learn new company’s tribal knowledge, start at zero in the promotion treadmill. I’m too old for that shit. And at my age, (45+) you’re not getting a +10% raise when changing jobs, like what was do-able in your 30s.

So changing jobs is mostly downside and moving closer to work is not financially do-able. Stuck!

What level are you at that you have to stay forever at your current place to get a promotion but aren’t able to afford a place closer to work? If you’re trying to go from E8 to E9 (or vp to president/CTO), I’d understand but at those levels you should be clearing nearly 1mil/yr or well past it. If you’re below that, you could easily switch workplaces and likely get a lot of money.

Maybe joining a startup on the hyper growth track would be good financial returns. Only need one of those to do well to buy the house with cash at your likely experience range and the compensation they would be rewarding you.

Yea if I was at those nosebleed salary levels, I'd move right next door to work! Salary progression after your first 10 years or so in the industry is pretty flat when you're an IC, even if you change jobs. First couple of company moves I made back in the 90s boosted my comp 50-100%. My last two company moves were basically flat. Moving from IC to management has proven to be a tough nut to crack, the typical "need experience in that role to get the role" catch-22.

Your startup advice is decent, I just don't have the stomach for it anymore. Been there, done that, have 600,000 worthless stock options to prove it. I feel like I have better odds at the poker table.

> Your startup advice is decent, I just don't have the stomach for it anymore. Been there, done that, have 600,000 worthless stock options to prove it. I feel like I have better odds at the poker table.

I understand. I'm just saying I did it and got $1m+/yr out of it. I've done startups before that lead nowhere - so I understand the feeling... It's not like joining startups at seed stage or something - I'd only join one with a $XXXm dollar valuation or greater. (And one that has gotten that valuation very quickly hopefully - not over 10 years) I left because of the horrible environment before I vested everything. I decided if I can find a job at $350-400k/yr with some minor upside and a much better culture then I'd probably be happier in the end. (I have about 8 YOE)

SO didn’t want. I also don’t want to live in a suburb (it means death of social life to me).

With that kind of commute (assuming it's 1.5 hrs each way), OP is probably in the Vacaville/Fairfield/Davis/Sacramento area, where there are not actually a ton of great tech jobs. Some to be sure, but it's pretty different from SF.

OP says he's coming from SF. Must work in SJ or around 237.

> I personally used to commute 3 hours every day to get to work from SF

Menlo park

I live in MP, and it doesn't take nearly that long to get here from SF. Maybe Mountain View, on a bad traffic day. But nothing north of Palo Alto could take that long, IMO.