While some people are hard lined enough on their anti-ORM stance that it sort of becomes weird, I agree with you that my beef with ORMs comes from being burned before a couple of times by a super inefficient aggregation ActiveRecord did on GROUP BY queries that it 1. not only took a really long time to figure out why a particular page in our app was loading slow but 2. we ended up having to write raw SQL to fix it.

I think the answer of whether to use one depends on the type and load/volume of app you're working with combined with the dynamics, size, and skill level of your team(s). I'm extremely comfortable writing, profiling, query planning, and debugging SQL queries. Others aren't, and therefore having an ORM to query data in the DB with the syntax of the language you're using in your projects makes way more sense, if nothing other in order to speed your team up.