But Java clearly didn’t “OOP all the things”, unlike earlier languages like Smalltalk. Java primitives are not objects (despite the fact that I often found myself wishing they were), and static methods are actually just functions. These days Java even supports first-class functions.

I know not everyone will agree with me, and that’s fine, but I always found Java to be far more pragmatic than, for example, C++, which well and truely predated Java.