Speaking from personal experience I think it’s a good possibility you’re on the spectrum. I can’t say for sure of course. But I can say taking some time to find resources that might help you understand if that’s part of what’s going on might help you navigate both the issues you’ve discussed here, and working with your therapist to determine any steps you might want to take toward diagnosis.

I’ll also say I have been where you’re at as you describe. You sound very capable, but you haven’t had the opportunity to thrive. I also had an abusive childhood.

I won’t say what’s important is overcoming all your obstacles and persevering. I’ll say this: you have shown you have a desire for more and you’ve shown you have a capacity for more. I believe you can do it.

I’ll echo one thing other people said but in a different way. I don’t think you should set your sights lower. I think you should consider looking for smaller ponds and see how big a fish you turn out to be. Some of those smaller ponds are wonderful, might even be more wonderful for you than the big ones you’ve looked into.