As someone in the industry, this is absolute rubbish and misinformation.

I've heard exactly the opposite about hydroponic vegetables. I suppose it depends on what nutrients the plants are given in the water. What is your experience?

It's 100% the nutrients + minerals. When you get right down to it, you're just trading one growing medium for another.

That said, hydroponics allows for a level of control in nutrients that soil does not, generally leading to weighty, tasteless veggies.

Lab-grown meat will taste exactly the way consumers expect meat to taste, for the same reason orange juice does.

[1] because we will engineer the process to a terrifying degree.

I don't believe that's accurate. The main issue or limitation of hydroponics/aquaponics is that many types of vegetables cannot be grown via the method. It's suited to leafy greens and not, for example, root vegetables.

I googled "hydroponic potatoes" and I kid you not, the first words in the results were "Potatoes are one of the easiest crops to grow with a hydroponics system".

I've also had grown and eaten hydroponic potatoes myself and they were great.

Huh, my knowledge is outta date. Thanks for correcting!

Uhm... no.

Ever actually had any? How do you what lab-grown meat will taste like? And why do you think lots of pot-smokers insist on the hydroponic kind? For the weak watery effect?

It can go either way, depending on how much fertilizer you use. Farms that cheap out will have an inferior product.