The NFT space is building in royalties via transfer taxes. Which means you the artist would earn a lot more from volume than from the initial sale, and this is potentially even better than the subscription SaaS model, and for people that want to support you they may be even incentivized to keep you alive to make sure the royalty goes to you instead of possibly burned.
I don't really see using stablecoins such as USDC or DAI as "extra layers of bullshit that comes from involving cryptocurrency". In the US with the latest OCC regulations, these are the same as using settlement networks like FedWire or SWIFT. Your self-limiting philosophy requires conflating all aspects of cryptocurrency as the same, and the good news is that you will find a lot of camaraderie in doing that, for now.
I mean if you've got a bunch of money burning a hole in your pocket, I'll gladly take it off your hands. My Patreon's over at https://www.patreon.com/egypturnash.