Unfortunately, the police are right. The laws in the U.S. mean that every single encounter has the chance to be fatal. American citizens hold it as the highest right to be able to deal death at a moment's notice. Once they decide to, it's practically impossible to stop or avoid, because it takes only an instant. Few citizens will choose to do that, but every single one could, and you can't tell which until it's too late.

Any encounter with the police is not only hostile, but it carries the ultimate consequence for both sides. There is no way to ratchet down that hostility when the police are justifiably in fear of their lives. They really could be victims and it's no surprise that they act accordingly.