damn, this hits too close too home. I'm still so messed up after all those words. and I am 34 now. I forgot completely about the bruising as it never existed, but those words haunt me forever.

I know this is not the forum for it, but here's what helped for me:

1) Write every horrible event down in excruciating detail. For me that gave my mind the permission to forget/heal/move-in.

2) Explore the possibility that the abuser was abused themselves and that while that is not an excuse, it does make it more comprehensible. If you do find the a chain of abuse, then recognize that you have the wonderful opertunity to break the chain. It won't be easy.

3) Recognize the problem of over compensating - I was abused, but I over-compensated by smothering my children with love. I needed to give them a bit of space.

4) Talk about it to people that love you. A hug is nice. For me, I internalized the abuse and thought that I was unlovable. I am weird, but people do love me - that's a surprise.

Good luck with your healing!

Thank you for the recommendations, I think no matter how much I tried inner healing it just never works. It worked for a while but then it erupted again, as soon as, say my parents do something that I think is wrong, my anger erupted. I definitely have traumas. I don't have kids yet, but I think there's a chance I will continue this chain of abuse, though I will do my best not to.

Yeah, I talk to my wife, that's all. She's too nice, her family comes from a good background, I don't want to burden her by telling my family's story.