That is exactly what I mean, yes. If both parents sincerely want what’s best for the kids, that should take priority and thus the bar should be accordingly high for divorce until the kids are grown, whatever you feel grown means. Higher than the parents just wanting to “live their best life”.

As I recall, I didn’t take my parents’ daily fighting, even my mom screaming and throwing things, as much to heart as some might think. I’m glad you used the word access because that’s precisely what I valued most, and the biggest loss. Second to that was the devastating financial strain (2 apartments, 2 cars, etc but same income).

I will second this sentiment as I grew up in a very similar situation, extremely unhealthy two-parent relationships that left me with some really bad memories and then a vicious divorce between two people who hate each other. Often children are used as weapons against the divorced spouse in this situation which adds significant stress in growing up. At least when the parents are together the children can't be used as proxy wars.

> At least when the parents are together the children can't be used as proxy wars.

Of they can be used as such.