I know I might get voted down for not adding to the discussion, but I loved this post. I actually LOL'd. Hammered in screws is exactly how PHP feels to me. And, as a long-time PHP dev who still has to use it on the job (but never for personal projects), putting up a defense of it screams "n00b" to me more than anything else.

It's one thing to justify its use on the grounds of supporting legacy systems, or other similar compromises. But if you actually think it's a good, well-designed language, then your metric of "goodness" vis-a-vis programming languages is uninformed.