> It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are desperate and lonely and your life is in the toilet. Once in a great while, someone will be truly wonderful to you because you did that but it's usually counterproductive.

Doreen, I always find your posts and comments to be very insightful. I've never thought about it this way, but it makes a lot of sense. Fixating on one's own desperation is basically a waste of time. One could be doing the things that removes them from desperation instead of fixating on not doing those things. It really does seem counterproductive.