I really hope you can see how messed up your post is in the fact that you honestly think that had you been spying on your wife the whole time you could have avoided any sort of mess and "saved your marriage". There is just too much too respond to on this. You have a daughter, shame on you, do you want some man spying on her watching every message and when he doesn't like what he sees maybe he will "fix his marriage" by doing something stupid like spousal abuse or attempt to stop her by controlling her probably by gaslighting her every move. What you suggested is not normal and you really should reflect on why you feel spying is a normal part of a relationship for you. Your belief that you need to spy probably extends to your entire way of being and that way of being is probably why she left you in the first place.