> I'm convinced the only people who have good things to say about using linux (or BSD for that matter, been there done that, no thanks) on a laptop are the kind of people who keep their "laptops" on the same desk, plugged in to ethernet, and are effectively using a desktop with poor thermals

Good for you for making your own decisions, but don't be a condecending arschloch. Personally I prefer linux because it works fine and consider Apple is overpriced piece of spyware and many their users smug idiot hipsters.

Happy holidays!