>The problem is that they sold you "all the water you could carry" and then reneged when you pulled in with your truck (with the bucket they gave you duct-taped to the inlet with a hole in punched in the bottom).

What they sold you is in the contract, which specifies non-tethered data access. To continue your water analogy, they sold you all the water you could carry in that bucket, and you signed a contract saying you wouldn't try to connect the bucket to anything else.

This is really straightforward contract law. If you want to do something, don't sign a contract promising you won't do it.