I agree with you. In my experience, there is an infinitesimally small number of people interested in what I would consider healthy, kind, honest, fair relationships.

(Or at least, an infinitesimally small number that are not already in a long term healthy relationship. It may be that we've just missed the opportunity to meet the high quality people in our earlier years.)

I've had my share of relationships, and still date from time to time, but usually I find the experience disappointing.

> After multiple decades without so much as a kiss,

The answers you seek you will not find in Hacker News, I will not link to anything I do hope you encounter the solutions to your problems, as I did once myself after struggling with dating, some time ago.