I agree with everything you said but just wanted to add RSUs/options are only even offered to a slim minority of software developers nationally. I am well paid for my job generally, and particularly for my area, but even something like an employee stock ownership program is extremely rare around here and outright RSU/option grants are unheard of. You'd get laughed out of any interview for even suggesting an ESOP to most places that don't have it.

That's certainly fair and many ESOP plans are not really an especially good deal. Over the past few decades, in spite of a couple significant downturns, even index funds would have done pretty well for you with regular contributions. But having some good stock wins in addition to that certainly can help.