in the immediate time being, do you have any alternative, actionable advice? topics/subjects/key people i can consider or look into that you covered your 3rd year?
not saying i disagree with your comment Nor that i dont want to go the education route, trust me i would love that time and leisure, but right now my brain cant be put at ease until i understand certain things
I'd start with YouTube and MOOCs. Unfortunately, I don't watch too many videos about this stuff, so I don't have any specific recommendations.
There is also the Manga series, which some people find more accessible as a narrative format: https://nostarch.com/biochem https://nostarch.com/mg_mbiology.htm https://nostarch.com/physiology
Also, keep in mind this field is rapidly moving forward. Crispr was discovered after I graduated, which wasn't that long ago. Try and stick to newer materials where possible.
If you have no background in biology or chemistry, I would email the authors of papers you are interested in. Most of those researchers are starved for attention and would love to break it down for you. Try making friends with one or two of the locals so they can explain more papers to you. Eventually osmosis will do its thing.