Is that really a misdiagnosis on the part of the general public, or are those terms just medical classifications for what everyone acknowledges is unacceptable behavior?

Are they any less of an asshole because some doctor has carefully scrutinized and categorized the exact ways in which they’re an asshole, and why?

“Misdiagnosis” in a very broad, not technically correct sense. The issue at hand is what some random civilian should do in the situation; the way that you’d deal with someone who’s just being an asshole is quite different from what you’d do when interacting with a sociopath or narcissist.

Not every asshole reaches the level to warrant a medical diagnosis as a personality disorder. The bar for personality disorders is purposefully set quite high, and usually requires that the symptoms persist over long periods of time. Some people are just plain jerks, other people have personality disorders that predispose them to behaviors and delusions that are harmful to other people.

As far as them being “less of an asshole” because of their diagnosis, I never said or implied that. No medical diagnosis will change the impact of one’s behaviors; knowing that the person who just flamed you is medically a narcissist doesn’t reduce the impact of the flames. It’s best to assess impact completely separate from intent, in my opinion.

That being said, assessing the intention of someone with a personality disorder is really hard (much harder than it is normally with any other person), because people with disorders appear to suffer internally delusions which serve to make their behaviors feel justified, even if the excuses don’t hold a lot of water to a neutral observer. Are they intending to cause harm and justifying it after the fact, or are they disconnected with reality and reacting intensely to events that only occurred in their own heads? I don’t know.

Per usual, I’m no expert, I’ve just done a lot of motivated reading on the subject.

Wow, my comment about how devious people with NPD/APD are just got flagged. Does anyone know why this has happened? Have I broken any of the site rules here?

[Update] Double checked the site rules, not sure if mentioning that she might have a PD is against them or not.

It wouldn't surprise me that there are quite a few people out there who want information about such disorders suppressed. But I'm not really sure if that's 100% the case here.

Amateur diagnoses of psychological conditions by someone who has never interacted with the patient in a clinical setting deserves to be downvoted. The problem there is that you wrap it in terms that mean something, but you don't have the education or access to use those words correctly.

It's irresponsible and amounts to un-informed gossip that questions who someone is at their core.