Re:This Is What Your Unsolicited Advice Sounds Like
by dougmwne on Saturday August 29, 2020 @10:13AM
(#24316242)
I feel like the advice (ahem) to not give unsolicited advice is mostly relevant to the workplace. That's the situation when often the most savvy move is to disengage from a person who doesn't "get it" and look to how you can protect yourself. Selfishly speaking, giving advice at work can go bad for you several ways. Maybe they hear your advice, but now you're getting involved and taking responsibility for a sinking situation that might not be your problem to deal with. Maybe they bristle at being told what to do and you damage the relationship without actually helping. Maybe there is a personal component to the situation (one that you, a coworker will never get to learn about) and your advice will come off as incredibly tone deaf and clueless. Maybe it's in your interest to let your competition fail so you look all the better. And for the record, while I think this is a common attitude, I will always be grateful for advice at work and will put myself at political risk if I think I can really help another person. Life is too short to treat others like shit.
In the personal world where we love our family and our friends, you're damn right I'm going to give advice. And if we have to get angry at each other, talk past each other until we come to a better understanding of each others point of views, well that's the mess and the beauty of real human connection.
I'll end with an example. Someone in my boss's professional circle once had breath that smelled like poop. Everyone talked about this person behind their back, made litte gagging noises and mean jokes. No one ever said anything, because it's safest not to get involved. My boss got the guy's home address and wrote an anonymous letter. Said, very nicely, that people can notice and while maybe this person was already aware or had tried everything, a doctor's appointment could be in order to talk over options or diet changes if they hadn't already. And you know what? From then onwards, that person had good breath.
This is a cold and terrible world if we don't take care of each other.
In the personal world where we love our family and our friends, you're damn right I'm going to give advice. And if we have to get angry at each other, talk past each other until we come to a better understanding of each others point of views, well that's the mess and the beauty of real human connection.
I'll end with an example. Someone in my boss's professional circle once had breath that smelled like poop. Everyone talked about this person behind their back, made litte gagging noises and mean jokes. No one ever said anything, because it's safest not to get involved. My boss got the guy's home address and wrote an anonymous letter. Said, very nicely, that people can notice and while maybe this person was already aware or had tried everything, a doctor's appointment could be in order to talk over options or diet changes if they hadn't already. And you know what? From then onwards, that person had good breath.
This is a cold and terrible world if we don't take care of each other.