So you are motivated to make her angry, because then you have steak? And you two use food for you to punish her having emotion?

I am no psychological expert nor expert in family therapy, but is that all really healthy? I mean physically healthy too ... diet based on somebody elses emotions sounds fishe.

Steak isn't worth her being angry. It isn't a punishment for her, unless demonstrating my autonomy in eating choices could be construed as a punishment. She proposed the idea. The concept is just to break out of automatic feedback loops of negative emotions by embedding a positive anticipation.

I'm not recommending this to others. But I do recommend a good steak every week or two on a vegan diet.

presumably this is why "make-up sex" is a thing - both parties know that if they argue and resolve the conflict they go to bed right after?

Oh, so it's more of a "I know she's mad at me now, but we're going to resolve this conflict and in the end I get a delicious steak", which motivates you to work on fixing whatever made her mad. Is that it?

I can't fix what makes her mad. She just sometimes gets mad.

Do you yourself want to be vegan if your wife wasn't there? Might explain why you need marriage therapy. Be yourself first. After doing that, maybe you're attractive enough to attract a mate, maybe even your wife. Don't do it the other way around. Don't be a doormat.

Sorry, but this sounds like unhealthy to me. The day I need an external person to deal with the arguments in our relationship is the day I end that relationship. There are many females on this planet. No need to bend over backwards to make one particular relationship work.

This is a very close-minded view. Professionals with psychological and/or therapeutic training can offer insights that you don’t have.

Would you refuse to work with a trainer if you were trying to improve at a physical activity? Would you reject a professional mentor in your field if it was on offer? Would you refute a doctor’s care if your physical health were impaired?

Also, it’s strange to refer to women as “females”, or treat all women as interchangeable, unless you run a crooked bar on a space station.

Your kids would be happy to see you bend your back a little.

Have you ever had to watch your parents fight over nonsense? Nope, sorry, I disagree. Why should kids be any happier if their parents stay together and fight all the time?

Because children make life enjoyable with your partner half the time, so you're in a dilemma : stay for the good half or quit for the bad half. Then you stay because maybe you can fix the bad half, and why not try getting help from someone. It's worth it. Even getting from good 50%/50% bad to 55%/45% is worth it.

My point was to stay together and do work to stop the fighting. Staying together and fighting all the time wouldn't be "bending over backwards".

I think the point is to stay together and not fight all the time.

You don't have children, right ?

Thanks. Regarding relationships, I have all the luck I need. Setting boundaries for what is acceptable and healthy was one of the most important things in my life. Actually, I feel sorry for you since you seem to think you have to tolerate certain behaviour just because, yeah, actually, why?