100% agree. I'm in the low 7-figures right now (on paper), and will probably be mid-7 with the next round of funding. So I have 0 chance of affording the taxes if I wanted to leave, and am kind of at the whim of the board if they want to extend my window.

It's not a great feeling, especially when you contributed a lot to the company at a very early stage. I am glad there's companies popping up to help with this problem, like ESO Fund, but in my opinion the companies should be trying to fix this instead.

Without knowing your exact situation, one thing to keep in mind is that the preferred value (last valuation / # of shares) of a share is generally a good bit higher than the tax liability (value of a common share from the 409a minus your strike). Still likely a big tax hit, but perhaps slightly better. IMO changes to tax law for illiquid assets is the best but most unlikely option here.

Yeah it's a good call out, in this case FMV is about 1/3rd the preferred. Sadly the that still puts it out of reach for me, but means I can afford to exercise at least some.