Sorry to hear about the weight on your chest.

I overcame my own depression years ago but I help others when I can. Elvis said, "I believe the key to happiness is: someone to love, something to do and something to look forward to." I'm not a big Elvis fan but if you agree with the quote, then what is missing from your life? That's a good place to start.

For books, I'd recommend reading Epictetus' Discourses, he was raised a slave and became a great teacher, Way of The Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman and Siddhartha by Herman Hesse.