One is the Alan Kay camp, which usually defines OOP as primarily message passing, with Smalltalk as a beacon of what they consider good code. This is a very vocal group, but I think that it is extremely obscure in the industry.
The other group is mostly focused on SOLID and design patterns. I would say that Java's Swing is a good example of a usable library based on this style of code, inheritance-heavy but still principled.
I believe that this style of code is most reliant on garbage collection to actually be reasonable. Otherwise, you end up caring about ownership for every little object and it rapidly becomes a nightmare. I believe your banana/gorilla/jungle problem is related to this mostly.
For myself, I do believe that implementation inheritance is usually to be avoided, but I think that other OOP concepts, such as encapsulation and interface-style extensibility, using constructors to establish invariants, are frequently useful, especially in the high-level architecture of a program or module. I do prefer some kind of support for sum types and multiple dispatch, rather than traditional virtual dispatch.
The difference is that FP, procedural, data oriented, etc are all pretty reasonably defined. No one seems to agree with what OOP is, and any objection to the kind of code that is typically considered "OOP" is that "that's not real/good/etc OOP code". It's a no true Scotsman.
When I talk with OOP proponents and point to issues about inheritance or the gorilla/banana/jungle problems, they say that these things aren't part of OOP. I think when you deduct from OOP these kinds of warts, you end up with something that looks almost indistinguishable from data oriented programming (something like what you would write in Go or Rust) and increasingly something that resembles functional programming specifically now that many OOP languages have support for first class functions and more functional abstractions in their standard libraries.
So if there is any truth in the "not true OOP" argument, I think it's that "good object oriented programming" is just another spelling of "data oriented programming".