Ah, there are no ups of hope, not after a while. What you have, instead, is sickening suspicion that, as much as you might commit to it, no matter how radical the changes, and with no regard to the time you have spent doing whatever it is, it won't work. It becomes an unrewarding hobby: what will I try this time? It's lavender oil aromatherapy for your pancreatic cancer and sure you can try it but ... no ups, only periods of struggle and exhaustion alternating, coming in like the phases of the moon.