This so much! I had a girlfriend, now friend, which is terribly successful and attractive and she regrets it all saying maybe it would have been better to focus on a family early on. She still has a very good chance in doing so, but clearly thinks it would have been better to use her 20s doing that and didn't do it because of the pressure to be a career woman in her circles and educational experiences.

On the other hand she has enough experience and skin on the nose to be a great and stable mother now.

@dpoochieni

> [She] clearly thinks it would have been better to use her 20s

is it okay if I ask what was her age when she said that?

28, almost 29

Wow, I'd guessed more like 35. Interesting how life is different in this case based on gender

Thanks for replying

Yes! This is spot-on. This is a social construct and a good example why I think we should focus more on male gender roles in order to achieve better equality.

Males have strict roles, expectations and reward structures in society, just like we all do. Equality movements have expected men to step down without giving them an alternative way of achieving self-worth. They still have the same pressures applied, but are expected to ignore them.

I think we should abandon the traditional work roles which cater so obviously to traditional male power and status, and also find a way to liberate men, so that they aren't pushed to such extremes to achieve status.

Men aren't pushed to extremes to achieve status. High achievers push themselves to extremes, where extremes are directly defined as places where other people don't push as hard.

I know we shouldn't confuse is with ought, but men in particular are very competitive in their youth, and whatever you think you can do to replace the status game will itself become a status game. Cultural wars to redefine status games are especially susceptible to becoming the new status game, because there's so much at stake; completely redefining the meaning of success, and unbalancing all the previously successful people.

You're a man, right?

Traditional male power and status seems pretty baked-in. That's why it's traditional. You can try and repress it, but sovereignty is conserved: in the end, like 90% of young men all want sex, because those are the genetics, and they'll compete to be the ones to have it.

You can try and social-condition men to repress their drives, and you'll get a bunch of neurotic weirdos who lash out and/or commit vile acts in the darkness.