Thank you for the excellent piece.
Though w.r.t. the speculation in your final "Disclaimer", I'd expect the algebraically inclined to prefer either the elegant combinatorical explosion of a J, or the build-it-yourself language of a metaprogrammed Lisp.
I firmly agree.
I wrote https://www.perlmonks.org/?node_id=318257 over 15 years ago. I still agree with the fundamental criticism of "OO everywhere" that I offered there.