> duct-taping a rock to a stick so I can actually hammer a actual nail into a actual piece of wood.

Note to anyone actually trying this: if you have a drill, drilling a hole in a piece of wood and sticking the stick (preferably dowel) through works better; if you need more weight, attach the rock to one side of the head, and a coin or other patch of metal to the other.

Also (if you have the space for it): adopt a lathe/smelter/set of chemical-refining glassware/etc today!