So from your perspective, what are the languages (besides iOS/Android) that you believe to be far more ideal when it comes to job prospects, quality of language and ecosystem, and developer happiness? I don't really disagree with most of what you said, but they feel like complaints that I'll hear about any language from its professionals (i.e. familiarity breeds contempt).

(I definitely agree with you about the disrespect JS gets from those who don't grok frontend work. And the fundamental annoyances baked in JS from the start)

I think most everyone agrees JS is an outlier when it comes to the speed of breaking changes and obsolescence, but IMHO that is nearly inextricable from JS being the most widely-adopted language, compatible with the widest variety of end-user devices and applications, reaching by far the most humans across the world. To put it another way, you could easily learn and become proficient in COBOL. There's currently a bigger demand than ever for young blood, and there's presumably great career rewards (if not in salary, in benefits, timeoff, and pension funds), and the language and end-user application is extremely stable.

And of course there are plenty of disadvantages (higher chance of landing somewhere that is not SF or NY, if those cities happen to be your home). Do the benefits of COBOL, especially the ones that line up with Javascript's weakness, hypothetically meet your ideal of a developer job?