Your middle kid sounds like how I was. If he really is like I was, then please give him the same enrichment and support as your more difficult eldest. The middle one may have learned to slack and chill out and not rock the boat, but it's still a coping mechanism for a problem that needs support.

Hey-- thanks for the message. We get it / try -- when he doesn't successfully weasel out of it (he is good at that).

The flip-side is, social adaptation/easy-going-ness actually makes it easier for his teachers to challenge him, etc.

The oldest reminds me of me, struggles and all. I have to think my middle kid has an easier path of things than I did.

I too was the middle kid. Here's my own anecdotal advice:

I started slacking in school from about 3rd-9th grade.

I found programming between 9th-10th grade during the summer through pretty much sheer dumb luck, timing, and being in the perfect environment.

After that, my grades improved, confidence improved, everything improved.

The school system may not be able to offer your kid the opportunity they need to really find the inspiration that can kick them into drive.

Maybe try to expose them to as many things as you can, and see what clicks?

Another thing is how they learn.

I learned through modding video games and could see instant results, via changing just a few variables, of what programming could do, and would share these with my friends.

This instant gratification and social "confirmation" from my friends, as well as the communities I joined, really pushed me forward. Plus, I really enjoyed it.

Shortly after modding video games, I tried getting into creating websites but didn't quite see the instant gratification or have the social "confirmation" to push me as hard as I did with modding video games.

How about offering some summer courses? There are really nice programs out there and if the kid gets to choose it can be very enriching.

Yeah, that's definitely a good way to do it as long as the kid doesn't feel like they're being forced.

It's sorta tough though with them choosing because if I was in 9th grade again and had the option, I don't know if I'd choose a programming curriculum.

It reminds me of the Steve Jobs quote, "People don't know what they want until you show it to them."

My middle kid is enjoying competitive chess and doing math through Art of Problem Solving, so there's places he does work hard and there is intellectual challenge. And his slacking is good enough to be at the top of his class, so I can't quibble too much.

I'm sure there'll be problems eventually, but, we're ready and up until then we're trying...

Your child is miles ahead of where I was. I was borderline failing classes.

It sounds like he has a solid support network around him. I wish you and your child the best