I think you would be surprised just how many people see their job as a means to an end in Seattle/Bay Area, especially outside of the startup world. At FAANG and other big companies I think there is actually very little Kool-aid drinking compared to the smaller companies. And at a subset of those companies, people work normal hours and don't brag about things like working on side projects at home. Especially many of the parents I've worked with have been great engineers but at the end of the day just want to go home and spend time with their family, and it's fine from both a career and social perspective.