The first thing I would say is to resist typing your kids as xyz. I think everyone is genuinely afraid / hyper vigilant of kids who are “on the spectrum.” (As an example)... don’t give your kid a label. Second advice would be don’t evaluate your kids without evaluating yourself. Your kids are a reflection of you. As for books, I can’t say there’s a complete book that I can recommend. At best you find snippets here and there that provide ideas. The best thing we’ve done is connect with a psychologist. The kids don’t see her, actually don’t even know she exists.