I think his point is that it's a pittance of an interest rate and the bank paying any less than that is basically stealing your money.

Is there an option that gives me the liquidity of cash / bank balance, without the loss of money, that isn't a bank account?

Best I can get in an immediate access bank account here is 1.35%. Cash is 0%. I can't pay rent and bills with anything else that I'm aware of.

IE, Is there a way that doesn't result in someone 'basically stealing [my] money', or am I screwed no matter what?

Interest in almost all dutch banks is zero, or damn near zero (.1%), if not going negative soon enough.