Industrial equipment has this idea of a “fieldbus” that you put the manufacturer’s devices on and then have some kind of hub or controller that you completely own between it and the internet (if you decide to connect it.) I spent 4 years working for a company that makes these and it’s (IMO) the correct way to do this.

X10 had this sort of architecture, maybe if everyone started using Bluetooth or USB you could do something similar.

I’ve shopped a few times for consumer computer controlled lighting and it’s all crap (just like any consumer electronics niche) that needs to be put on a WiFi network and use the manufacture’s app (and often network services.)

If you want IOT either do it yourself or get industrial stuff.