Only one item on your list faithfully follows the soundwaves. The rest are inaccurate in their own unique way. Microphones throw out sound you don't want. The entire cutting needle thing has some pretty fundamental accuracy limits. The record player introduces all kinds of distortion, my favourite being the 'wow' of a motor turning at an inconsistent speed, causing minor fluctuations in pitch. The speakers, if they were actually accurate, would make the flaws in most recorded music really obvious (which is why those speakers never make it outside recording studios/aren't marketed to consumers). Not even the soundwaves do, if you're in a room.

You missed the point of vinyl, which is that the inaccuracy sounds good. Digital inaccuracy, like what you get out of most crappy builtin DACs, doesn't sound good. If you have to have inaccuracy, which you do, vinyl folks prefer the vinyl kind. It doesn't bring you closer to the original sound, it just sounds old, and old must be closer to the past, right? But it sounds better, so you are right to enjoy it.