... that doesn't include a critical cryptographic vulnerability. :)
To be generous to the now greyed GP, there's probably a way to teach a recipient a short pad and its proper use so that the recipient can later decode a short ciphertext sent over Twitter. Perhaps even performing that feat in their head. None of the cryptography that could fit your quip has that property.
And if the recipient does something catastrophic like resend the pad over Twitter to confirm they memorized it correctly, there's at least a chance they may catch their error. Perhaps they may even correct it without the goddamned Department of Defense coming into it.
I don't get cryptographers' condescension toward OTP zealots. All they want is a better boat. At least have the decency of the captain from Titanic and apologize while we sink for not having delivered it.
Hang on, if I could come up with a way of securely sharing the key I used with my recipient, I wouldn't need to actually mail the OTP to them, since they could generate it themselves. Should probably include a nonce too.
Now, if only there were a secure method to share the key...