You can't explain it because it is all in your head, it is an illusion, a subjective sense of empowerment that does not actually exist. It is a yearning by people that cannot make any other mark in the world, just a big noise. Look how much noise I can make! It is an atavistic feeling of the lizard brain.

You are neither better, nor more successful, nor looked up - it is just noise and that noise satisfies you, because it makes you (mistakenly) believe that people are paying attention to you.