My kids are small, so jury's out on how smart they will end up being. The approach we've taken with them so far is to ground them in sober reality. (I feel like a lot of forces, both in school and media, try to insulate kids from how the economy works. It's like getting packaged meat in the store and not knowing how animals are raised and slaughtered and processed.) We're fortunate to be able to afford many luxuries (private schools, maids). But we try to help the kids understand that there is a link between these luxuries and the fact that mommy and daddy work on the weekends. Life presents lots of learning opportunities, such as the $700 heating-oil bill we got the other day. We live near the Naval Academy, so the older one also understands that the young people she sees in uniform are learning important skills and will one day risk their lives to defend the comfortable world around her that she shouldn't take for granted. Being from Bangladesh also offers the opportunity to teach what the world is like for all the people who aren't so fortunate to live in America.

I don't agree with folks who say everyone should just go to trade school. There are lots of good, high-demand jobs that require a college degree. That is also part of the reality that kids need to understand. My kids will start SAT prep in middle school and depending on demonstrated potential, we might encourage trying for a top-tier college. We don't intend to pay for school, because we think debt creates motivation. If either of them demonstrate an interest in law or medicine, I suspect we'll encourage them to go to a state school for undergrad like my wife and I did, because people care more about the terminal degree. Either way, we think it's important to take a gap year to mature after high school. (My wife did; I wish I had done the same.) At the end of the day, a lot depends on the kids. At the same time, my wife and I are not ashamed to be Asian parents. There is a lot you can do to guide, mold, guilt, manipulate, wheedle, and prod your children into making good decisions, and we intend to do it.

You're not going to pay for undergrad? We decided not to pay for grad school, but I feel strongly obligated to cover undergrad (I'm thrilled that my daughter chose Illinois over Oberlin).

Congrats on the daughter!

I mean it obviously depends on what happens a decade from now. I’m imagining some mix of taking some amount in loans with us covering living expenses. My wife worked through Iowa, and I feel like I would’ve done better had my parents made me spend my summer earnings from programming on tuition. But my older kid is so self motivated it may not matter.