It sounds like you're on the tail end of existentialism, which is good. It does keep going for a while passed that.
Seems like you may be heading towards Absurdism. If so, I recommend Optimistic Nihilism instead. It's much less of a kick in the shins to the envious tortured souls you never notice watching you.
> In the moment it sucks, but over time I look back and see a beautiful existence.
vs.
> Imagine looking an abused child in the eyes and saying "is reality that harsh?"
2. Beauty can exist in harsh realities.
I don't think the world is that cruel. I think people, both individually and as a group, are tremendously cruel and capable of terrible things that in turn make the world cruel.
In short, to borrow the words of Rorschach from Watchmen, “...God didn't kill that little girl. Fate didn't butcher her and destiny didn't feed her to those dogs. If God saw what any of us did that night he didn't seem to mind. From then on I knew... God doesn't make the world this way. We do.”